| I know you and I’ll agree |
| What this world needs is a lot more me Well, I have got the remedy |
| Gonna write my autobiography |
| I’ve led a fascinating life |
| Had a husband and a wife |
| But you will truly be amazed |
| At just how humble I have stayed |
| Enough about me, let’s talk about you |
| What do you think of me You must feel such gratitude |
| That you will get to read |
| My autobiography |
| My life doesn’t have a very good plot |
| Guess I’ll have to lie a lot |
| Should be easy to make things up There’s no one left to call my bluff |
| A lot of my old friends have passed on The rest did drugs and their memory’s gone |
| So I’ll write my own history |
| In my autobiography |
| I’ll say I slept with a Kennedy |
| Don’t remember which one |
| They all looked the same to me Or they did when we got done |
| Maybe they’ll film it for TV |
| I wonder who they’ll cast as me Should be somebody I look like |
| Sigourney Weaver’d be all right |
| Gonna be hard to deal with fame |
| Once the whole world knows my name |
| But I’ll stay humble and grateful to All the little people like you |
| A thousand pages more of me And all I’ve said and done |
| It will be my legacy |
| And that’s just volume one |
| Of my autobiography |