A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. |
JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER'S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry...
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We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park...
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(It makes its own sauce...)
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It wasn't very large
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There was just enough room to cram the drums
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In the corner over by the Dodge
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It was a fifty-four
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With a mashed up door
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And a cheesy little amp
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With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"
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And a second hand guitar
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It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
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At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song...
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We could jam in Joe's Garage
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His mama was screamin'
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His dad was mad
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We was playin' the same old song
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In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
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Play it all night long
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It was all we knew, 'n' easy too
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So we wouldn't get it wrong
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All we did was bend the string like...
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Hey!
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Down in Joe's Garage
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We didn't have no dope or LSD
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But a coupla quarts'a beer
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Would fix it so the intonation
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Would not offend your ear
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And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over
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Became a symphony
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We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again
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Cause it sounded good to me
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One more time!
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We could jam in Joe's Garage
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His mama was screaming
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"Turn it down!"
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We was playing' the same old song
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In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would
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Play it all night long
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It was all we knew, and easy too
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So we wouldn't get it wrong
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Even if you played it on the saxophone
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We thought we was pretty good
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We talked about keepin' the band together
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'N' we figured that we should
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Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
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From the girls in the neighborhood
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They'd all come over 'n' dance around
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Like...
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(Twenty teen-age girls dash
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In and go STOMP-CLAP
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STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...)
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So we picked out a stupid name
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Had some cards printed up for a couple 'a bucks
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'N' we was on our way to fame
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Got matching suits 'N' Beatle Boots
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'N' a sign on the back of the car
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'N' we was ready to work in a Go-Go bar
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One, two, three, four
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Let's see if you got some more!
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People seemed to like our song
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They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise
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An' it wasn't 'fore very long
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A guy from a company we can't name
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Said we ought'a take his pen
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'N' sign on the line for a real good time
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But he didn't tell us when
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These "good times" would be somethin'
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That was really happenin'
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So the band broke up
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An' it looks like
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We will never play again
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Guess you only get one chance in life
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To play a song that goes like...
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*And, as the band plays their little song
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MRS. |
BORG (who keeps her son SY
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In the closet with the vacuum cleaner)
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Screams out the window...*
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Turn it down!
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Turn it DOWN!
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I have children sleeping here...
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Don't you boys know any nice songs?
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Well the years was rollin' by, yeah
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Heavy Metal 'n' Glitter Rock
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Had caught the public eye, yeah
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Snotty boys with lipstick on
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Was really flyin' high, yeah
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'N' then they got that Disco thing
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'N' New Wave came along
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'N' all of a sudden I thought the time
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Had come for that old song
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We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
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And if I am not wrong
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You will soon be dancin' to the-
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The White Zone is for loading and unloading only
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If you gotta load or unload, go to the White Zone
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Well the years was rollin' by
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The years were rollin' by (I'm calling the police!)
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The years were rollin' by
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The years were rollin' by (I did it! They'll be here, shortly!)
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The years were rollin' by (This is the police...)
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(I'm not joking around anymore!)
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The years was rollin' by (We have the garage surrounded)
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(Give yourself up)
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(We will not harm you, or hurt you neither)
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The years were rollin' by
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You'll see them, there they are, they're coming!)
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(This is the police)
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The years were rollin' by
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(Give yourself up)
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(We will not harm you)
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(Listen to that mess, would you?)
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(This is the police, give yourself up)
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(We have the garage surrounded!)
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(Everyday this goes on around here!)
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The years were rollin' by
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(We will not harm you, or maim you)
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The years were rollin' by
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(SWAT Team 4, move in!)
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(He used to cut my grass! He was a very nice boy!)
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(This is the police, come out with your hands up!)
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(That's disgusting...)
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This is the Central Scrutinizer...
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That was Joe's first confrontation with "The Law"...
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Naturally, we were easy on him
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One of our friendly counsellors gave him a donut
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And told him to stick closer
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To church-oriented social activities... |