Текст пісні Swamp Castle - Monty Python, Andre Jacquemin

Swamp Castle

Father: One day, lad, all this will be yours!
Prince Herbert: What, the curtains?
Father: No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over the
hills and valleys of this land! This’ll be your kingdom, lad.
Herbert: But Mother--
Father: Father, lad. Father.
Herbert: B-- b-- but Father, I don’t want any of that.
Father: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here,
all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a castle on a
swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp.
So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So, I built a third one.
That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp, but the fourth one…
stayed up! And that’s what you’re gonna get, lad: the strongest castle in
these islands.
Herbert: But I don’t want any of that. I’d rather--
Father: Rather what?!
Herbert: I’d rather… …just… sing!
Father: Stop that! Stop that! You’re not going into a song while I’m here.
Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes, you’re getting married to a girl whose
father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.
Herbert: B-- but I don’t want land.
Father: Listen, Alice,--
Herbert: Herbert.
Father: 'Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
Herbert: But-- but I don’t like her.
Father: Don’t like her?! What’s wrong with her?! She’s beautiful. She's rich.
She’s got huge… tracts o' land!
Herbert: I know, but I want the-- the girl that I marry to have… …
a certain,… special… something!
Father: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you’re marrying Princess Lucky,
so you’d better get used to the idea! Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn’t
leave this room until I come and get him.
Guard #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: No, no. Until I come and get him.
Guard #1: Until you come and get him, we’re not to enter the room.
Father: No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn’t leave.
Guard #1: And you’ll come and get him.
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: Right.
Guard #1: We don’t need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the
room.
Father: No, no. Leaving the room.
Guard #1: Leaving the room. Yes.
Father: All right?
Guard #1: Right.
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: Right.
Guard #1: Oh, if-- if-- if, uhh-- if-- if-- w-- ehh-- i-- if-- if we--
Father: Yes? What is it?
Guard #1: Oh, i-- if-- i-- oh--
Father: Look, it’s quite simple.
Guard #1: Uh…
Father: You just stay here and make sure 'e doesn’t leave the room. All right?
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: Right.
Guard #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
Father: N-- no, no. No. You just keep him in here and make sure he--
Guard #1: Oh, yes. We’ll keep him in here, obviously, but if he had to leave
and we were with him--
Father: No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here--
Guard #1: Until you or anyone else--
Father: No, not anyone else. Just me.
Guard #1: Just you.
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: Get back.
Guard #1: Get back.
Father: All right?
Guard #1: Right. We’ll stay here until you get back.
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: And, uh, make sure he doesn’t leave.
Guard #1: What?
Father: Make sure 'e doesn’t leave.
Guard #1: The Prince?
Father: Yes. Make sure 'e doesn’t leave.
Guard #1: Oh, yes, of course.
Guard #2: Hic!
Guard #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me havin'
to guard him when he’s a guard.
Father: Is that clear?
Guard #2: Hic!
Guard #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
Father: Right. Where are you going?
Guard #1: We’re coming with you.
Father: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure 'e doesn’t leave.
Guard #1: Oh, I see. Right.
Herbert: But Father!
Father: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! And no singing!
Guard #2: Hic!
Father: Oh, go get a glass of water.