| Note LW is Lawrence Welk, -L is a Lemmon sister
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| LS is the Lemmon Sisters, LL is Larry Looper
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| SS is Stoney Stonedwell, AL is Alice Lean
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| SM is sailor matey, SC is sailor captain
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| Note LW is done in a parody of Lawrence Welk’s accent
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| I will spell this phonetically in a few places
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| Where it is important, but if I did it consistently
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| LW would be unintelligible
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| LW Thank you, thank you and good evening friends
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| We’re coming to you once again from the beautiful
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| Aragon Ballroom on Lick Pier at beautiful Santa
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| Monica Beach, California. |
| We’ve been getting lots
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| Of cards and letters from you folks out there in
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| Television lant and we surely do thank you for… ah…
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| For… ah…for all the cards and letters from you
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| Folks out there in television lant. |
| Starting us off
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| Tonight is our trio the Lemmon Sisters and
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| Girls what are you going to sing?
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| -L We’re going to sing Thank You For All Those Cards
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| And Letters You Folks Out There in Television Land
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| LW Lant!
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| -L Lant
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| LW And now an appropriate number. |
| A-wun and a-too and a-
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| LS Thank you for all those cards and letters
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| You folks in television lant
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| We wonder where this television lant is
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| Could it be a couple of miles from where Dinney Lant is
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| Oh, well never the less you guys and gals in
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| LW What is that noise there?
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| LS — bunch of palsy-walsies —
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| LW Oh, its the bubble machine. |
| Turn off… just a moment…
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| I… hold it just a moment please… turn off the bubble
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| Machine… please turn off the bubble. |
| Thank you, Lemmon Sisters for that lovely
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| number. |
| Wunerful, wunerful. |
| And now on with the show. |
| Here’s that man with the
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| deep, deep voice
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| Larry Looper. |
| Larry, What are you going to sing for us, Larry?
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| LL I’m going to sing Thank You For All Those Cards and Letters
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| LW I’m sorry, that number has been taken
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| LL Well. |
| Ill sing The Funny Old Hills then
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| LW Good. |
| A-wun and a-too and a-
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| LL I-
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| LW Hold it just a moment. |
| The bubbles don’t come till the end
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| Of the program. |
| Turn off the bubbles. |
| Thank you Lar- thank you
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| Larry Looper, for that wunerful number. |
| Now I would like to
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| Play a short instrumental medley based on the names of girls
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| A-wun and a-too…no…no, thats not it… thank you so very much.
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| And now, here’s that young man about town from the brass section,
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| Stoney Stonedwell, to sing Please
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| SS Please. |
| Lend your little ears to my plea —
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| LW What is the matter with that machine. |
| Here, hit it with your
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| Horn… hit it… here…stick your mouthpiece in it there
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| Wunerful, wunerful. |
| And now on with the show. |
| Here’s our
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| Champagne lady Alice Lean. |
| Alice is going to sing
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| Moonlight and Shadows. |
| A-wun and a-too and a-
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| Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in twenty-five years
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| My popping finger is caught in my cheek. |
| Will you give me a hand there, Alice…
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| here, pull my arm… no, the other arm… just pull it…
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| Pull it… thats it
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| AL Moonlight and shadows and you in my arms
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| And the melody in the bamboo tree, my sweet
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| Even in shadows
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| LW Hold it, somebody stop the bubble machine. |
| The whole ballroom is lathering
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| up with bubbles. |
| And now I can’t see the cameras. |
| Here, let me set that
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| accordion down on the stage and I’ll try to fix that. |
| Bear with us,
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| folks just a moment please. |
| Gee, the time is running out and we haven’t even
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| played the polka. |
| Wait a minute, boys, I didn’t mean… hold it, Alice,
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| don’t polka on my accordion
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| Gee, Dad, it was a Wurlitzer. |
| Hit the theme, boys. |
| And so its
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| Goodnight from all the champagne… wheres the cameras… theres so many bubbles
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| I can’t…and so, friends, we… help, the whole ballroom is shoving off to sea.
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| SM Sure is a clear night, ain’t it, Captain?
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| SC Yup, matey, these are the kind of nights when the sea plays
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| Tricks on ye
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| SM Yeah, I recollect one night off Singapore…
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| SC Tricks, I say, like that mirage off the port bow, now
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| SM What?
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| SC See it there, kinda bubbly looking in the moonlight?
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| SM Oh, yeah. |
| Gee, if I didn’t know better, I’d say it looks
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| Like the Aragon Ballroom
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| SC Yeah… dee-deedee dee-dee dee dee dee-dee
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| SM Hey, thats a catchy chantey you’re humming there, Captain. |
| What is it?
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| SC Oh, I don’t know. |
| Just keeps running through my head
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| SM Let’s go below and catch a little shut-eye
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| LW Help! |
| Help! |
| Wunerful, wunerful. |
| Turn off the bubble machine
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| Help… help… |