| You can listen to the beating of the heart
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| You can hear all the murmurs of the valves
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| You can hear the air in the lungs
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| And all the bubbly stomach sounds
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| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
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| A stethoscope, a stethoscope
|
| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| You can strangle an irritating patient
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| You can sell it if it’s valuable and ancient
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| You can use it as a wrecking ball
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| If your house is very small
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| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| Tie a wild and hyperactive child
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| Wrap it round your head to make you styled
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| Hang a dozen on your yacht and they’ll
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| Be like fenders on your boat rail
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| It is good to have a stethoscope
|
| A stethoscope, a stethoscope
|
| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| If your friend has fallen from a dock
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| Take your stethoscope and pull him up
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| Or bring it on your submarine
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| As a useless periscope
|
| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| You can use it to caress your thigh
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| If your special friend has said good bye
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| Or why not tag along
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| And use it as a thong
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| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| A stethoscope, a stethoscope
|
| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| You can always brush away some wax
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| If you’re hungry and in need of snacks
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| Or use it as an endoscope
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| If so, be sure to clean with soap
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| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| If you think that S&M is hip
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| You can always use it as a whip
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| Or give a stethoscope fetishist
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| His biggest trip
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| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| If you’re full and you would like to choke
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| You can pull it up and down your throat
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| Or write a really shitty song
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| That no one wants to quote
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| It’s always good to have a stethoscope
|
| A stethoscope, a stethoscope
|
| It’s always good to have a stethoscope… |